Day Three: Everything's Fine.

Day Three and everything's fine.

Well, not entirely, but that's what seems to appease everyone. It's also the only thing I can really seem to say every time people ask me "am I okay?", "how am I feeling?" or "how am I holding up?". Don't you just love those questions? Sure, they're well meaning, I guess. Some of the time, anyway. Honestly, most of the time I think nobody really wants to know how I'm feeling, they just aren't sure what to say other than to ask the obvious. That's okay. I don't really want to answer. But I do.

Isn't it funny? People ask because they don't know what else to do and we answer with "I'm fine" because we don't know how else to respond. Maybe we should get rid of the whole practice altogether. But until then, "I'm fine. We're fine. Everything's fine."

So Day One was numb, Day Two was emotional, and Day Three turned out to be okay, actually.

It didn't start out too great, though I think it was just the remains of Day Two. Kind of like when you grab a water hose after it's been shut off all night and some water still comes trickling out. I woke up feeling horribly sad and overwhelmed and, before I could even sit upright, burst into tears. I wanted my husband. Plain and simple. After a few minutes I pulled myself up out of bed and moved into the bathtub, so I wouldn't disturb my still-sleeping bebe. I cried a while longer, washed my hair, soaped up, got dressed... and began the day. Because, unfortunately, the rest of the world really doesn't care. The sun isn't going to stop rising, bills aren't going to extend themselves and people aren't going to stay home from work just for me. Not saying I don't wish they would. God, I wish they would. Just for one day. But the reality is I've got bills to pay, a little boy (and cat) to feed and things that need my signature so that our lives can go on as smoothly as possible without Habibi. Staying in bed to cry all day just isn't practical.

Once we got out and going, we got quite a few things things taken care of and/or started- though can I just say that it really sucks to have to handle things acting as my husband under a power of attorney because they couldn't get done before he left? Grumble, grumble. However, it seems people are more understanding and helpful when you're the wife left behind. What seemed to need an entire act of congress while Habibi was here now just takes a simple phone call because he's gone. Thank jeebus for that, at least. Anyway, we got things handled, which took a lot of stress from Day Two off of my shoulders. By the way, we're not even going to touch Day Two. In case you were wondering. I chose not to blog about it because it was filled with things like driving up to the house, seeing our car in the driveway and instinctively smiling, thinking Habibi had come home from work before realizing I was wrong. And that wasn't even the worst part of the day.

The best part of the day was when I glanced at my computer screen to see Habibi's name blinking at the bottom. Good old internet! I admit that even though I knew the first week or so would probably be quiet, I couldn't help but feel jealous and hurt when reading about other gals, who's husbands had left the same day as Habibi, already getting phone calls. I reminded myself how it was with NTC- while other gals were getting a phone call every day or at least a couple of times a week, I had received nothing. Later I found out Habibi had been kept so busy, he never even read more than one of the letters I'd sent him that entire month, much less had any time to call! So I told myself maybe the situation was the same. Maybe they were so busy preparing for what they needed to do that there wasn't any time.

I was right! The boys have been kept super, super busy since arriving at their camp. Still, Habibi managed to get a few minutes of free time to log onto a computer, and I was lucky enough to have been online! Even though we only had a few minutes to chat with each other, my heart completely burst with happiness and relief. Those few simple sentences in a matter of minutes will last me days of comfort, I'm sure. I can't wait to finally have letters in my hands! Could you imagine how long I could last on those? Unfortunately, I have to wait just a little while longer before we can send or receive anything- not until the boys are settled and where they need to be. That's fine. I'll write letters anyway. He'll just get a HUGE stack the first day. =)

In the meantime, we (Chuug and I) have begun working on a couple of small projects; a Deployment 365 album, which consists of one special photo to count down every single day Habibi is away, and then a 365 spinoff called "The Adventures of Daddy Bear", which consists of one picture of Chuugie's Daddy Bear doing something different every day to count down the days. I'm hoping to turn both of them into photo books by the end of the deployment, just to have something sweet to look back on.

The Adventures of Daddy Bear; Days 1, 2 and 3

On top of my little photo projects, I also dragged my scrapbooking drawer out of storage and started drawing out little page designs. If I stick with it, finally putting together our family scrapbook will likely take up the majority of this deployment all on it's own- seeing as I have seven years to put together, PLUS creating pages for this next year, too! Sounds exhausting already! But anything that keeps me distracted is worth working on, no matter how long it takes. Hell... I even considered buying one of those huge puzzles to try and put together. Maybe a Van Gogh print puzzle. Do they have his sunflower painting as a big puzzle? That's something worth looking into. I love sunflowers. In a big bad way.

Anyway, now I'm rambling...

But I just wanted to let everyone know that I'm fine. We're fine. Everything's fine.

Deployment 365; Day 2

Deployment 365; Day 3