So the big topic that's popping up a lot right now- and even came up in our own discussions between Habibi and I- is whether or not to move home during deployment.
I've seen a lot of judgement surrounding women who choose to move home while their husbands are deployed, and was even judged myself (rather unfairly) by other wives when I mentioned that Habibi confided in me about wanting the Kiddo and I to move back home.
I was immediately told how "tired everyone was of wives running home to Mommy and Daddy because they can't hack it without their husbands." Offensive much?
Firstly, in my case, the subject was brought up by my husband. Why? Because he wasn't comfortable with the idea of Chuug and I being here all alone in an unfamiliar place without knowing anybody. I felt, being in a marriage after all, it was only logical to consider my husband's feelings and reason.
Secondly, even if I was the one who decided to move back home during the deployment, they have no idea what the reasoning is. Assume and judge all you want. Maybe we're in a load of debt and I want to save my husband's deployment money along with his regular check to pay off the bills and start fresh when he gets back. Maybe we never got to have a wedding and I want to move home to pay for one and the honeymoon we never got to have. Maybe my family is going through a rough time and I decided to move back there to care for them while my husband's away to gain peace of mind. Maybe I want to start school and have been working out a whole plan with my family to help support me through it. Hell... even if it was true and my whole reason for moving home really was because I felt like I couldn't hack it alone with a five year old here in El Paso for 12-15 months- what does it matter to you? At least I would be admitting to myself and recognizing that I actually may not be strong enough to handle being alone (especially through a first deployment!) Would you rather me crack a month into it and overdose on anxiety and/or sleep meds while the Kiddo is at school because I can't handle it? You'd probably sit there and say "Tsk tsk. She should have gone home so her family could support her." Exactly! Too many scenarios, too many possibilities. And still, if a gal wants to go home just because she wants to go home- OH-freaking-WELL! She's not judging you for staying. Don't judge her for going.
One thing I've grasped pretty quickly is that every Army Wife is not the same. The title doesn't make you a super hero. You're still a person with your own wants, needs, beliefs, lifestyles and circumstances... and it breaks my heart to hear so many say things like "suck it up and put on your big girl panties" and "Run home to Mommy and Daddy" or even "You're screwing up your kids and putting unnecessary stress on your family" when the ones making the comments know nothing about the wants, needs, beliefs, lifestyles and/or circumstances of the wife and family in question.
In our case, my husband just wanted to deploy feeling that his wife and child are safe and okay. We discussed it, planned it out, talked to family about it. But in the end, the move would have been too much of a stress. By the time we talked it out, we only had a few months remaining and there were too many things to do, consider and worry over. At first Habibi was upset. I admit, I was a little disappointed, too. Life would definitely be less stressful back home considering this is our first deployment and I'm not skilled with those super-hero-wife powers everyone talks about... plus we've also established I'm not one to easily make friends so I was potentially facing a lonely road... But in the end, one thought made him feel more accepting to the idea of us staying behind here at Bliss- one that helped me feel pretty confident myself; we'll already be here to greet him when he comes home.
The fact that we really are staying behind during deployment is becoming more and more real as the date closes in. I'm a nervous wreck and I'll admit to having multiple mini panic attacks in a day. There are things working against me, but a few new things working for me, too. I just keep reminding myself that I need this. I need to be here. Because, in all honesty, I do feel like I need to wear my big girl panties and regain the former independent amazon self I was before I became wife and momma.
But let me just say... if I ever decide to move back home. That is MY choice. Mine and my husband's. Nobody else's.
To the gals who are staying behind, I'm here with you.
To the gals who are heading home, whatever your circumstance, may your life be made better by it. I support you. I'll miss you and hope to see you again soon when deployment is overwith.
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