Making Friends...

I am not great at making new friends. Pretty horrible at it, in my own opinion. I'm an oddball- no mainstream fish. A family member once joked that I'm that crayon that looks green, but then writes yellow- as a child, I hated that crayon. Whenever it'd write yellow on my paper, I'd get irritated and put it back. After a while I'd toss it out of the box completely because I was tired of it funking up my colouring books. I doubt that was her intention behind the statement, but when I thought about it, that's how I took it. I'm not most people's cup of tea. I'm an acquired taste (like when you order a drink for the first time, sip it and go BLECH! Ugh! This tastes funky! But then some people go back for more sips anyway and decide later they like it after all). However, I've come to "belong" (I like putting it that way) to a few who find my unfiltered mouth, my inappropriate brain and my inability to comprehend sarcasm, catch onto social cues and common sense adorable. How, I'll never know. The majority of them have been friends with me since we were the Kiddo's age- when nobody was weirded out by anybody- and they grew to love me as I am. The remaining few just happen to be as strange as I am, with no room to judge. Habibi would be one of those remaining few. He acknowledges my behavior and habits, loves me all the same.


Unfortunately, none of these friends could come with us when we PCS'd here to Bliss; leaving me to my biggest worry of all- having no one. Unlike most wives, I didn't join the FRG. I don't want to go to meetings. I don't really attend the post events. I didn't want to live in post housing. My experiences with people, especially in large groups in social settings, have never been good even with my best efforts. Even Habibi seems to share some anxiety for me when we're thrown into social things.


When we PCS'd here, Habibi introduced me to what I've heard many wives (and their husbands) refer to as a "default friend"; the wife of a friend your husband makes. They're friends, hence you and the wife become friends (doesn't always happen, but that's the idea behind it). He was pretty confident that she and her husband both would be open and accepting to me. They have been, and they're lots of fun to hang out with. But at the same time I feel as though I've been interjected into their lives. This wife has her own friends and does lots of things- always busy and involved. I often end up feeling like it's not a mix I really belong in. I'm on the outside while being inside, if that makes sense. Habibi and I both thought maybe it was an initial feeling- just anxiety- and that over time it would go away. But even six months into Bliss, it was still feeling the same.


But recently, I took a little jump I hadn't even expected or meant to happen.


I frequent many online pages and groups for Wives and Families stationed at Fort Bliss. I don't really post (unless there's a question I can answer), but I watch. I lurk. On a daily basis I see women post things- seeking advice, looking for help, looking for others with like minds, offering their own advice... and often times I see them met with hateful, ignorant and/or judgmental responses... Other wives telling them they're stupid, reckless, inappropriate and judging their situations as though it were posted for a debate. On and on. I felt sorry for these women, not being met with open minds and arms. Especially since we're all supposed to be here supporting one another... right? I mean, that's what they say. "We're Army Wives. We're supposed to stick together... but you're stupid and your lifestyle is disgusting..." See how wrong that sounds?


Anyway, I found myself creating a place for these women. A place where they could vent their frustrations, talk about anything they like without boundaries and be met with acceptance, advice and open minds. None of that "this is right and wrong", "that's disgusting", "I would NEVER..." or anything. Just encouragement and understanding. In a matter of weeks I began to open up, myself.


We've slowly begun stepping out from behind our computers to meet with each other. A few of the gals have my number, now, and we text frequently. I still battle with social anxiety, even with these women- but I also feel a swell of happiness and I relax somewhat knowing they don't care, they still think I'm awesomely fun. At this point I think if I had tourettes and screamed random obscenities they wouldn't give a damn. And I can honestly say I wouldn't either if they did the same. They're great women; strong, offbeat, with their own special circumstances and particular lifestyles.


I never imagined I would make these friends- make any friends, really. But for the first time since PCSing here, I don't feel so terrified of living alone out here through my first deployment with no one.