Working on a Game Plan

NTC. Ugh. An acronym to be dreaded. The boys leave for an entire month of training in the desert while the women stay behind to fend for themselves. When Habibi first told me about it, I said "No problem!" After all, we'd spent a year apart when he trained in the Navy, and six months apart when he went to WTC and then AIT with the Army. 30 days? Pssssssshhhhh.


Well, at least that's what I thought. What I didn't consider was that both of the previous times, I was still in my home-state, surrounded by home-friends, family and home-food. He may have been gone for a long time, but I wasn't alone. This time it was only 30 days, but in a new place, by myself, with a crazy 5 year old. Cabin fever caught up with me pretty quick and within days I thought I would die without adult conversation. Of course now I know where I went wrong; I had no game plan.

EVERY WIFE needs a game plan and I'm glad I realized this before deployment. When you're back home surrounded by familiarity- well... you don't really have to have a game plan. You can pretty much go with the regular, every day flow. But when you're in a new place where you don't know many people and don't get out much (and you're facing insanity), it's probably a good idea.


Instead, I spent the entire four weeks writing letters, paying bills, budgeting money, making grocery lists, stressing about Habibi being gone and things I'd have to take care of by myself and more things once he got back... and, well, that was pretty much ALL I did. I felt like I was surviving instead of just living. It wasn't a healthy mode to be in. I think if we didn't have Easter the the Kiddo's 5th birthday, I'd have probably lived in my bed (or couch, really... For some odd reason I couldn't stand sleeping in our bed the whole time he was gone. Never done that before and felt weird about it. Even stranger, the Kiddo- who still cosleeps with us a majority of the time- didn't want to sleep with me at all the entire time, either.)

The most eventful it got, really, was Easter weekend. First we got huge Easter Bunny care packages from my Mom and Grannie, which the Kiddo tore through immediately (it looked like a serial killer broke into the house and murdered the Easter Bunny all over my livingroom) then we packed a small suitcase and spent the weekend at his best friend's house, complete with friends coming over, egg dying, baskets from us (the Moms), a good old-fashioned egg hunt and ending with waking up to bunny baskets on Easter morning.


That following Tuesday, the Kiddo turned 5. After sending out a note to everyone on my facebook in March about not having his Daddy around for the big day, birthday cards began pouring in throughout the entire month from everyone all over. We collected them and pinned them to the giant blank wall in our livingroom (nicknamed "The Birthday Wall").

I let him open presents (sent by family members) and we walked down to his favourite place to eat- Chilis- using a gift card sent by a friend in one of the birthday cards. It was less than awesome compared to our usual birthday routines in the past, though Chuug was very happy and content with how things went down. Bless him, because had he been a ten year old he'd have probably kvetched and whined about the whole do-nothingness.


Now I look back on those four weeks and think UGH! There was SO MUCH MORE I could have done! Not just for the Kiddo's birthday, but in general. I could have made myself promise to run on my elliptical for at least 30 minutes a day, every single day Habibi was gone. I could have opened that ginormous latch-hook kit I bought last year and finally did it. I could have done a "picture-a-day-while-you-were-away" album on facebook. I could have practiced new recipes to make for when he came home. I could have de-cluttered our big utility closet. I could have made paintings or worked on sketching up new tattoo ideas to get someday. Hell, I could have taught myself how to play Habibi's guitar! Hundreds of opportunities just flew out the window in those four weeks- all because I didn't make a game plan. I was too busy focusing on things like remembering the bills, waiting for the mailman, waiting on the maintenance man, dealing with insomnia, figuring out which groceries to get and how much to spend, would I be able to fill Chuug's Easter basket... Sure, those are all important things. But they were ALL I thought about and ALL I did. 

It didn't really hit me til Habibi came home and asked me what we did while he was away. He said "Wow. I thought you would have done more than that!" Over the next couple of days he would laugh and say "You could have done that while I was gone. You could have tried this while I was gone." Ugh. Irritating... but he was so right. I felt ashamed. I'd always considered myself a pretty independent person, but that whole time it felt like I was at a total loss while he was gone. It's not an awesome feeling at all.


Anyway, so now I've begun working on a "Game Plan" for when Habibi deploys. Things I ought to do/try/make/buy and goals to set for myself. Ways to keep me busy and hopefully less stressed and/or depressed. I've got a pretty good amount of things so far! I just keep thinking... Thirty days without a Game Plan was hell. I couldn't imagine 12-15 months without one.